1 00:00:03,120 --> 00:00:05,520 Doesn't she look amazing? You look fabulous! 2 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,840 Are you scared of spiders? No! 3 00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:12,360 -Cheers! -Up your bum. 4 00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:15,600 Great. You all right, Mum? Mm-hm. 5 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:18,040 Oh, OK, you're just touching my hair, yeah? 6 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:19,360 Just relax. 7 00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:21,320 Just let me know when you're going to... 8 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:23,080 BUZZING Argh! Oh, my God! 9 00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:25,440 Stop squirming, Mum. Yeah, I am trying, Sam. 10 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:28,200 I need something to bite down on, Amy. 11 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:30,800 I already gave you one of my breadsticks. Yeah, and I ate it. 12 00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:32,560 I need a proper stick from a tree. 13 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:34,800 Yeah, well, I haven't got a box of those, weirdly. 14 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:36,680 OK. I... OK. 15 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:38,480 Let's go. Let's go. 16 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:39,560 BUZZING 17 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,840 Oh, God, no, I feel... You must stop moving. 18 00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:43,720 Otherwise, we will run out of time. Yeah. 19 00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:46,320 I'm sorry, Katya, but please don't rush me. 20 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:48,360 I nearly passed out last time. 21 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:49,800 Really? 22 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:51,320 OK, sorry. 23 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:53,320 Let's do it. 24 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:55,400 OK. 25 00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:57,880 OK. It's cool. Yeah? 26 00:00:57,960 --> 00:00:59,520 OK, let's do it. 27 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:01,440 BUZZING Oh, God! 28 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:03,920 Right. I can't. Help me hold her down. Sam. I've got the camera. 29 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:05,360 I can't do it. Well, put it down. 30 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:06,560 Oh, God! God! 31 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:07,880 Mum, you can. RACHEL WHIMPERS 32 00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:10,240 You have to. You can't leave your tattoo looking like that. 33 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:11,840 I can't do it. 34 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:13,080 Come on, Mum. 35 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:15,720 We're going to be late for Dad's police thing. 36 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:18,080 BUZZING, RACHEL SCREECHES 37 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,760 What HAVE you done? 38 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:23,480 Oh, no! 39 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:25,080 What?! I love it. 40 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:27,440 Oh, please tell me you can rub it off. 41 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:28,920 But I don't want to rub it off. 42 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,200 Amy... You do know it's not even in English! 43 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:32,720 Um, yes, of course I do. 44 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:34,760 It's Elvish, right, Amy? 45 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:37,160 No, it's...it's "Maya" in Sanskrit. 46 00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:38,840 It means magic. 47 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:40,480 Well... Amy, 48 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:42,800 all tattoos mean the same thing. 49 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:44,600 What? What's that, then? 50 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:45,800 Impressionable. 51 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:47,120 I think it's dope. 52 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:48,920 Dope? Dope! 53 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:50,800 Really? Yeah. Why not? 54 00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:54,560 I don't mind a tat, if it's romantic and you're not covered in the things 55 00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:56,160 like a bloody...drummer. 56 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:57,720 Oh, that's romantic, is it? 57 00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:00,080 Scratching someone's name on your body so everyone knows 58 00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:01,280 who you belong to? All right, 59 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:03,600 I won't expect you to get one for me. But that's... 60 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:05,760 We're not the tattoo generation. Mm-hm. 61 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:08,000 And I'm the type of person who hates needles. 62 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:09,440 That's every type of person, Mum. 63 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:11,080 Yeah, but I medically hate them. 64 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:13,120 The school caretaker had to pin me to the floor 65 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:14,480 when I had my BCG. 66 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:16,040 OK, well, I hope he was fired. 67 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:17,560 He was. He was fired. 68 00:02:17,640 --> 00:02:19,360 Anyone want five Hobnobs before I go? 69 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:20,960 Are we doing this test or not? 70 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:23,560 Yes. Because I could be practising my marching right now. 71 00:02:23,640 --> 00:02:25,520 Yes, I'll have five Hobnobs, thanks, Mum! 72 00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:28,360 Yes, Amy, can you take your tattoo elsewhere, please? 73 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,480 Sam and I are actually revising. 74 00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:31,680 Sam's filming. 75 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:34,160 Well... Yeah, filming my revision, so it counts. 76 00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:38,080 OK, right. When was the first official diagnosis of autism? 77 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:39,680 Yeah, I won't need that. 78 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,400 As in, you don't know it? As in, ask me practical stuff. 79 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:44,520 IMITATES WRONG-ANSWER BUZZER Uh-uhhh! 1943. 80 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:47,120 Not "uh-uhhh"! I just didn't give an answer. 81 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:48,320 Uh-uhhh! 82 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:50,760 What are the main symptoms of ADHD? 83 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:52,160 Attention deficit hypera... 84 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:53,360 Yes, I know what it means. 85 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,440 God, you're annoying. All right! 86 00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:57,320 Difficulty concentrating, 87 00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:58,880 inability to sit still, 88 00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:01,320 acting without thought. I mean, that's basically me. 89 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:02,600 Sh, Sam. What else is there? 90 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:04,800 Yeah, interrupting conversations. That's another one. 91 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:07,000 Oh, my God. You see? Yeah, that would explain 92 00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:09,080 why you're quite so bad at sitting still. 93 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:10,600 Yeah, it would, actually. 94 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:13,400 Well, of course Sam can concentrate. 95 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,720 He's always making bloody films. No, but that's... 96 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:18,080 That's another symptom. That's hyperfocus. 97 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:19,880 Look. Yep. 98 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:23,440 "People with ADHD may experience an intense fixation on one activity 99 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:25,160 "for an extended period of time." 100 00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:26,960 We should get you assessed. 101 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,520 Oh, he's fine! 102 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:32,040 He's just lazy and distractible. That's a symptom of being 103 00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:33,320 a living man. 104 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:34,880 But if he's got ADHD.... DOORBELL 105 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:37,320 ..he'll get extra time on his exams and a free laptop. 106 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:39,200 Yeah, you should probably be tested. Yeah, yeah. 107 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:40,440 What kind of laptop is it? 108 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:42,440 Well, I'm pleased you're focused on the right things. 109 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:43,840 Doorbell! 110 00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:45,960 Yeah, I know, Rachel, I'll get it. 111 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:49,680 Oh, Robin! Cheryl! 112 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:51,600 Hi! Hi, Sue! 113 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:53,000 You all right? Yes, 114 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:55,800 well, the THREE of us are very all right, thank you. 115 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:57,000 THEY GIGGLE 116 00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:58,240 Would you like a Hobnob? 117 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:01,320 Mm, all three of us would not like a Hobnob, thanks. 118 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:04,200 I would, actually. Sorry, one of us would, but the other two would not, 119 00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:06,040 as in there are three in total. You OK, Robin? 120 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,560 Yes, the THREE of us are more than OK, thanks. 121 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:09,880 What? 122 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:11,120 I think... We are... 123 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:13,720 I think Cherry's pregnant. Sam! You've ruined it! 124 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,800 RACHEL AND SUE SQUEAL Oh, my God, why would you...?! I'm sorry. He's ruined it! I'm sorry. 125 00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:19,560 That wasn't on you, Sam. Oh, my God! Oh, Cherry! Cherry! Cherry! 126 00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:22,760 I've got a photo. 127 00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:24,720 I didn't know you had it in you. 128 00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:26,840 Do you know what? Cherry didn't know she had it in her 129 00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:29,400 till about three weeks ago. Oh! Paul! Amy! 130 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:31,600 Yeah. Cherry's having a baby! EXCITED CHATTER 131 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:32,840 With Robin! 132 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:34,560 We've done it! 133 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:36,280 Oh, my God! He's cracked it. 134 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,520 Yeah! Oh, my God! 135 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:41,960 Oh, look at that! 136 00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:44,000 Awww! Look! Yeah. 137 00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:47,840 You can't see a lot, but it's definitely got a hot face. 138 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:49,600 Oh, hundy P. I mean, that profile. 139 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,040 Phwoar! 140 00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:52,720 Well, don't "phwoar" your own baby. 141 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:54,600 Well, I'm sorry, but come to me with that pout 142 00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:56,120 and you are getting phwoared. 143 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:57,600 I don't care whose baby you are. 144 00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:00,200 Let me see. Wow. Do you know what you're having? 145 00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:03,000 No, they can't tell yet cos it's only about the size 146 00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:04,400 of a Coco Pop. 147 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:06,520 I'm actually hoping for a girl. 148 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,120 He's so modern. Do you know, 149 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:11,520 I thought your sperms, Robin, were a dog's dinner. 150 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:12,720 Oh, Mum, please! 151 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:14,960 No, it's all right, it's all right - they are a bit. 152 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:17,120 But I guess one of the weird little goons must have managed 153 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:19,480 to ram his ugly mug into Cherry's egg. 154 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:20,920 "Let me in!" 155 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,920 Don't mime - it's embarrassing. Sorry. 156 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,000 So hang on, it's a shotgun wedding! Yeah! 157 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:26,640 Like ours! 158 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:28,880 I should get a shotgun for the best man's speech. 159 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:31,160 Oh, my God! Rachel, that would be hilaire! 160 00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:32,600 Well, no. 161 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:33,960 What do you mean, like ours? 162 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:35,680 Well, I was pregnant with Amy. 163 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:37,880 That's why WE got married. No, it's not! 164 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:40,240 We were allowed to have children out of wedlock, Rachel. 165 00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:42,400 It was Bedford in the early noughties, 166 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:44,400 not rural Ireland in the 1400s. 167 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:47,080 Yeah, but our...our dad's quite traditional, so... Yeah. 168 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:48,360 Wow. 169 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:50,880 And there was me thinking that we got married because you love me. 170 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:52,080 I did. Did?! 171 00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:54,600 Do. Do. Still do, did. 172 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:57,120 What? Did. Oh, my God, Mum, stop. Oh, God. 173 00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,200 Just forget it. Wow. 174 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:03,040 I got that tattoo. Look, Robin. Oh, sweet! 175 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:04,800 That is world classy. 176 00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:06,960 So you knew about this, did you? Yeah, of course. 177 00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:09,360 I sent her to Katya, who did all of my cherries. Look. 178 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:11,400 Oh. Nice, isn't it? 179 00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:12,720 Oh, that's like ringworm. 180 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:14,040 Yeah, it... What? 181 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:15,520 Yeah, well... 182 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:18,560 It does a bit, yeah. ..I'm off to choir practice. 183 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:20,240 Aww, well done again, you two. 184 00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:21,760 Thanks, Sue. Cheers, yeah. 185 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:25,040 Oh, can't wait to have a cuddle with the wee one. 186 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:26,680 Oh, when it's out and about, 187 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:28,960 I will be dumping it here a lot. 188 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:32,200 Yeah, well, I won't be around then, though. 189 00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:33,520 What? 190 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:35,480 Oh, no, Sue, don't be like that. 191 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:37,800 You've got a good year or two left in you yet, I reckon. 192 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:40,440 No, I mean, I will have moved out. 193 00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,880 Oh. Yeah. I've made an offer on a flat. 194 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:45,280 Oh, great! Oh, congrats! That's exciting. 195 00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:47,240 No? Yeah. No? 196 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:50,240 Um, right, your Hobnobs are on the corner there, Paul. 197 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:52,360 Yeah, thanks, Mum. I'm eating them now. 198 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:53,840 Yeah. Bye. 199 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:57,040 Bye, Sue. Also, FYI, I should say 200 00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:59,520 we've had to shunt the date of the wedding. 201 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:00,880 Oh, have you? 202 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,080 Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. It's now on this Saturday 203 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,360 because that's the only day 204 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:06,400 that worked for 50 Shades Of Mellow. 205 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,560 Oh? What's that? The wedding band we wanted. 206 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:10,920 We've gone big budge on the cake, 207 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:12,600 the band and the video, 208 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:14,800 and then everything else will be like, not... 209 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:18,200 Shit. NOT shit. No. But, well, cheap. 210 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:19,440 Cheaper. Yeah. 211 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:21,400 And 50 Shades are sensationnelle. 212 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:23,840 Yeah. Sensational. They can do everything, can't they? 213 00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:26,120 Beyonce. Beyonce. Coldplay, Buble... 214 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:28,560 Hang on, Saturday the 15th? That's my passing out parade. 215 00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:30,400 Oh... Ed Sheeran, 216 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:31,640 Chumbawamba, Kravitz. 217 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:33,240 What's that, like a medical thing? Travis. 218 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:35,520 No, I'm saying it's... it's like the police. 219 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,440 The Police? Yeah, they can do them, no problem. 220 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:39,800 Or Sting on his own. Fields Of Gold - yes, please. 221 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:42,240 It's like a graduation, but they say passing out. 222 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:44,040 Tinie Tempah! Yeah, no problem. 223 00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:46,960 They used to do Michael Jackson, but they don't do him any more. 224 00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:48,440 Yeah. That's at midday. 225 00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:50,880 The wedding's not until four, so you'll have bags of time. 226 00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:53,040 Oh, OK! Yeah. I mean, I might not pass out at all, 227 00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:54,720 if they can't find a uniform in time. 228 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:57,040 Oh, no. Oh, yeah? What's the problem? 229 00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:59,280 Your "Humpty Dumpty, big waist, short legs" thing? 230 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:02,480 Uh, can you stop comparing me to Humpty Dumpty, please, Amy?! 231 00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:04,160 Rude! That IS rude, yeah. 232 00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:06,440 And actually, this is about the helmet. 233 00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:09,360 All of their helmets are too small. 234 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:11,400 What, all of them? Yeah, all of them. 235 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:13,200 I have an unusually big head. 236 00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:14,840 Like Humpty Dumpty. 237 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:16,440 Well, he's ALL head, really, isn't he? 238 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:17,880 Yeah. Well, he's an egg, yeah. 239 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:20,280 I mean, apparently Greater Manchester Police have got a very, 240 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:22,560 very big one they can send down. That's if they can find it. 241 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:25,400 OK. How big IS your head, then? 242 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:27,040 I mean, you're looking at it. 243 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:28,360 Come on, then, let's measure it. No! 244 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:31,000 No! You're not measuring his head! You're not measuring my bloody head! 245 00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:32,400 Here they come! Where is he? 246 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:34,600 Oh, my God, I can see him! I can see him! 247 00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,680 Look at him! 248 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:38,840 Oh, my God. 249 00:08:38,920 --> 00:08:40,480 Look at that hat! 250 00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:42,480 It's sort of wedged on. 251 00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:44,160 He can't even march properly! 252 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:46,240 He looks like a Thunderbird! 253 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:49,280 Stop laughing, it's not funny! 254 00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:50,560 You're laughing, too! 255 00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:52,160 I'm not, I'm... 256 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:53,880 Granny's here. 257 00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:55,880 Hurry up, you're missing... 258 00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:57,160 ..whatever this is. 259 00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:59,080 The marching. THEY CHUCKLE 260 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:01,560 Sorry, I got held up at choir. 261 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:03,720 You're a bit overdressed for this. 262 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:06,960 Yeah, well, I thought I'd get me wedding togs on now, you know, 263 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:08,800 save going back later. 264 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:10,880 Here he comes! Oh, God. 265 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:15,120 Oh, doesn't Paul look all sexy in that uniform?! 266 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:16,360 No. 267 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:19,800 Well, he would maybe if he didn't look so pained. 268 00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:21,680 Or knew how to march. 269 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:23,000 AMY CHUCKLES 270 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:25,200 Oh, it's so lovely to see you all. 271 00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:26,800 Oh, Amy. Aww. 272 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:28,200 I've missed you. 273 00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:30,240 Oh, we saw you last weekend, Granny. 274 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:33,880 I know, but I feel so cut off in that flat, 275 00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:36,320 you know, with no-one to chat to. 276 00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:38,360 Aww. I keep finding myself talking 277 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:39,800 to the woman in the lift. 278 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,240 What? Why is there a woman in the lift? 279 00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:45,120 As in, the one that tells you what floor you're on. 280 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:48,680 The computer. Oh, Sue, you shouldn't be talking to the computer. 281 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:51,680 Well, I'm not mad. I only say please and thank you. 282 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:54,080 And she's got such a lovely, cheery manner. 283 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,320 You know, "Doors opening!" 284 00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,120 Stand at ease! 285 00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:01,320 Welcome, cadets, family and friends 286 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:03,440 to Bedford Constabulary Training Centre. 287 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,600 Today marks the end of these cadets' training, 288 00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:07,680 and so we move to the beginning of their careers 289 00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:09,360 as new police officers. GROANING 290 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:12,120 Over the course of their training, they have made me proud. 291 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:14,000 What's he...? What's that? 292 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:15,880 Er, I think it's Dad. 293 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:19,200 ..and upholding our shared values. Is he OK? 294 00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:21,720 Yeah, I reckon he's... THUDDING 295 00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:23,960 AMY GASPS Oh, my God! Oh, Paul! 296 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,160 Dad! Paul! 297 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:27,160 Oh, God! Dad, are you OK? Paul! 298 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:30,200 My son! My son's fallen over! 299 00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:31,480 FLATULENCE 300 00:10:31,560 --> 00:10:33,120 It's just that stupid helmet. 301 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:34,360 That was the issue. 302 00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:35,960 I marched well, I thought. 303 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:37,560 It was just too tight. 304 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:39,440 You know, it was constricting blood flow, 305 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:41,360 and that's why I fainted. 306 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,040 I don't think people noticed. 307 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:44,760 No, they probably just thought it was part 308 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:47,760 of the passing out ceremony. Oh, ha-ha. Very funny. 309 00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:49,800 Let me tell you something, there is nothing funny 310 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:52,240 about a tight helmet, Amy, OK? SAM SCOFFS 311 00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:53,960 Maybe you should make your own. 312 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:55,960 You know, out of papier-mache? 313 00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:57,320 Oh, good idea, Mum. 314 00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,160 Yeah. That will strike fear into the heart 315 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:00,840 of the criminal community, wouldn't it, 316 00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:03,960 being chased down by a policeman with a home-made helmet! 317 00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:05,400 All right? 318 00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:07,520 How you doing, pal? You pass out OK? 319 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,200 Oh, yeah. More than OK. 320 00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:11,320 He fainted. Oh, thank you, Rachel. 321 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:12,840 I realised I embarrassed you. 322 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:14,200 There's no need to rub it in. 323 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:15,960 So, what...? What happens now? 324 00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:18,600 Do you have to, like, do it again? Like Rachel's exam? 325 00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:19,880 What? What do you mean? 326 00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:21,400 No, I did still graduate. 327 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,480 I just had to, you know, lie down. 328 00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:25,120 Right. But I missed the bit where they throw 329 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:26,560 their hat in the air at the end. 330 00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:28,400 Yeah, if they did that at the beginning, 331 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:29,960 this would never have happened. 332 00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:31,040 Well, yeah. 333 00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:32,480 So, how are you feeling? You ready? 334 00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:34,200 I feel like I'm going to chunder my guts up, 335 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:36,600 but apart from that... Aw! I felt like that on our wedding day. 336 00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:38,280 Did you? That was just morning sickness. 337 00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:40,520 Which is one of the reasons you married me, apparently. 338 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,120 My God, can you please stop being so pathetic? 339 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:44,240 OK, Rach, they're ready. So, have you got the rings? 340 00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:46,200 Yes, I've got them on my necklace so I don't lose them. 341 00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:49,320 OK, she's coming. So, Stanley, stop picking your nose. 342 00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:51,400 OK, up! Everyone, up! Up! 343 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:55,120 I used to be able to walk to choir practice from here. 344 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,320 I'll have to drive from the new flat. 345 00:11:57,400 --> 00:11:59,720 And pay for parking through an app. 346 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:01,560 Mm. Oh, God, Amy. 347 00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:03,280 I don't think I can handle the apps. 348 00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:04,960 Oh, it'll be fine, Granny. 349 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:07,280 And you can always move back in here if you don't like it. 350 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:08,960 Right, Dad? Huh? 351 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:10,960 Yeah, in theory, I guess. 352 00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:12,080 Is this...? 353 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:13,520 No, that's one of Maya's. 354 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:16,400 Oh, well, can we have two clear piles of bags coming in 355 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:18,080 and bags coming out, please? 356 00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:20,240 Sue's are pink and leather, mine are black and binny. 357 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:21,760 Yeah, sure. 358 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:23,640 Ooh! 359 00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:25,880 Are you having my old room, Maya? 360 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:27,960 Er, well, we want to be in the same room, really. 361 00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:29,440 So we'll both be in Amy's. 362 00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:31,040 It'll be a bit of a squeeze, but still... 363 00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:33,360 Yeah, and I'm going to use your old room as a music studio. 364 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:36,720 Er, no, no. You're not dumping your harp in there, Amy. 365 00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:39,080 It's not dumping it. I'm playing it. 366 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:40,920 And I want to put my keyboard in there as well. 367 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:42,760 Well, tough turds, princess. You can't. 368 00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:44,960 I'm putting the rowing machine in there. 369 00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:47,640 What? Yeah. No, come on. That's not fair. 370 00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:50,800 This is what happens when you keep calling people Humpty Dumpty, Amy. 371 00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:53,200 They start to exercise. 372 00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:54,600 Sorry, Sam. He won't use it. 373 00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:56,240 Come on, mate. 374 00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:59,760 I mean, it's hardly Katya's fault! Yeah. Mm. 375 00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:01,960 Yeah. She did exactly what you asked for. 376 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:03,960 Also, English isn't her first language, 377 00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:05,960 so what did you expect? What's...? I like it. 378 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:07,960 Do you? Well, no. No. 379 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:09,880 I like the story behind it more than the actual it. 380 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:12,960 What's happened? So Rach got a tattoo for Paolo. 381 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:15,280 Oh, my God, really? What is it? 382 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:16,960 Show him. Go on. Yeah, well... 383 00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:18,960 You know how I hate needles? 384 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:20,640 Well, I know how everyone does. 385 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:22,000 Yeah, but mainly me. OK. 386 00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:26,240 So I wanted to get a small Paul on my shoulder blade to just... 387 00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:29,240 Shut him up. No, to be romantic. 388 00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:30,840 Yeah. Well, both. 389 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:32,840 And then, when I got there and saw the actual kit, 390 00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:33,960 I sort of panicked a bit, 391 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:36,360 so I thought it might just be better to get his initials. 392 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:37,960 You know, like, PJ. Paul Jessop. 393 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:40,240 Cos it's, you know, half the letters. 394 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,760 And then I thought... And the tattoo woman was... Katya. 395 00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:44,760 ..really getting impatient at this point. 396 00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:46,440 I thought I might just get the P first 397 00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:48,280 to see if I could handle that. So... 398 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:49,600 Yeah. ..she... 399 00:13:49,680 --> 00:13:53,800 I asked for a P on my shoulder, and she... 400 00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:56,120 Well... Oh, God, she did this. 401 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,960 Oh, OK! LAUGHTER 402 00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:01,160 I'll have a P, please, Bob. Yeah. Oh, that's very good. 403 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:02,800 Love it. He's done that already, yeah. 404 00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:04,880 Just go back to Katya, tell her to fix it. 405 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:06,720 Get, you know, the stalk put on. The stalk? 406 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:08,560 You mean, get the rest of the pea plant on? No. 407 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,640 What? No, I mean, get the rest of the P letter. Oh. 408 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:12,360 It is very confusing. It is. Not really. 409 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,880 I mean, I don't want to get any more tattooing, Robin. 410 00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:16,360 I nearly passed out last time. 411 00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:18,000 But you can't leave it like that, Rach! 412 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:19,560 It looks like you're growing mould. 413 00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:21,960 Does it? Yeah! Oh, don't put me next to Stanley! 414 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:23,760 What? Why? Stan..? 415 00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:26,280 No, that's lovely. All the kids are together, so... 416 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:28,680 And he's, what? He's your... He's your... Cousin. 417 00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:29,960 ..cousin, so be nice. 418 00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:32,520 He's obsessed with lions, though. It's so boring. 419 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:35,520 Oh, well. Oh, Robin... 420 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,600 What? 421 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:40,040 You know he won't come. 422 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:42,960 He might. 423 00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:44,080 He said he might. 424 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:46,560 And it's much harder for me to film if I'm at the back. 425 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:48,520 We don't need you to film, Sam. 426 00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:51,320 Lights, Camera, Love are doing that already. That's taken care of. 427 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:53,040 Also, Cherry doesn't really want someone 428 00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:54,640 with ADHD to film things. Oh, Robin! 429 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:57,440 No offence. She worries it might all look a bit fast and furious. 430 00:14:57,520 --> 00:14:59,680 Nothing wrong with that. That's a cracking franchise. 431 00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:01,560 PHONE RINGS Well, that... Oh, hello. Hello. 432 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:02,960 Sorry. Bet it's her. 433 00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:04,400 It is her. It is her. 434 00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:06,120 Love of my life, fire of my loins. 435 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:07,200 Er... 436 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:09,480 Yeah, we're just trying the cakes now, babe. 437 00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:12,080 Yeah. Well, we are going crizzle cray 438 00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:13,960 for the amaretto cream, put it that way. 439 00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:15,960 It just means we're going crazy. 440 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,120 Er... 441 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:20,480 Well, no, I told Jelson he could be the MC there, babe. 442 00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:22,520 Yeah, he's a drum and bass man from back in the day. 443 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:24,280 Yeah, he's proper. Yeah. 444 00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:25,800 So you've got ADHD, Sam? 445 00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:27,000 Yeah, looks like it. Yeah. 446 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:29,200 My uncle had, well, not exactly the same, but PTSD. 447 00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:30,840 Yeah, it's not remotely the same, Dean. 448 00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:32,000 Yeah, well, he's fine now. 449 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:33,960 So you can take comfort from that, innit? 450 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:37,680 Er... Yeah, well, you know, I'm giving Sam 451 00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:40,680 some revision counselling, so it's all in hand. 452 00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:41,760 Counselling? 453 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:42,960 You mean nagging? 454 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:44,120 Motivation. 455 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,440 And please do make an effort to film the posters, Sam, 456 00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:47,800 since we put them up everywhere. 457 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,880 So Robin told me about your idea. 458 00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:51,160 Absolutely love it. Oh, yeah? 459 00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:52,960 Yeah. 460 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:55,360 Oh, yeah? Thanks, Dean. 461 00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:57,680 Which idea? The shotgun for your best man speech. 462 00:15:57,760 --> 00:15:58,960 Genius. 463 00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:00,680 Oh, no, no, no, no. That was just... 464 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,080 I was just joking. 465 00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:03,960 I wouldn't actually get one. 466 00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:05,320 I wouldn't know how. 467 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:07,520 Oh, that's where I come in. 468 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:08,960 Oh, no, no. Don't... 469 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,480 Yeah, no, don't get a shotgun, Dean. 470 00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:13,760 Cherry would really hate that, I suspect. 471 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,840 I'm not promising anything. No, you don't have to. 472 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:17,760 Just don't do it. Yeah, probably can't anyway. 473 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:19,040 No, don't. Just don't. 474 00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:21,080 Can you film the posters, please? 475 00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:22,560 Yeah? Where there's a will. 476 00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:24,640 Well, there isn't a will, Dean. Well, exactly. 477 00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:36,520 ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS 478 00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:38,600 Sam, out the way. 479 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:42,880 No, no, go away. 480 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:46,040 Sam. 481 00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:52,960 You're amazing. Yeah, I know. 482 00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:55,040 Please be seated. Ahem! 483 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:58,440 Not us. 484 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:00,360 We are gathered here today... Robin. 485 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:03,080 ..to witness the union of this man... 486 00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:04,720 Robin. ..and this woman... 487 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:06,800 Cherry. ..in holy matrimony. 488 00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:10,040 Cherry Danielle, 489 00:17:10,120 --> 00:17:11,600 you are my rock... Yeah. 490 00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:13,200 ..and my roll... Yeah. 491 00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:16,400 ..my lover and my teacher... Yes. 492 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:18,960 ..my sugar and spice and all things nice, 493 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:20,960 my Peri-peri and my mayo. 494 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:25,960 I do solemnly declare that I will respect you and cherish you, 495 00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:27,480 guard you, 496 00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:29,160 wash you if you want me to... No. 497 00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:31,160 ..massage you, text you regularly, 498 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:32,680 never interrupt you, 499 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,960 be there, stay there, 500 00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:39,520 live, laugh, love with you for as long as we both shall live, 501 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,600 forever and ever, amen. 502 00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:43,720 CLAPPING No! 503 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:45,800 Sorry. 504 00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:49,280 Robin Liam, you complete me. 505 00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:51,880 I promise to be there for you, 506 00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:53,480 to have your back, 507 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:54,680 to go deep, 508 00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:57,720 to lift you up and keep you grounded, 509 00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:00,280 for now and for always, 510 00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:01,760 for all three of us. 511 00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:03,440 Oh! Aw! 512 00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:05,960 We're having a baby! Yeah. 513 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:07,720 Sit down, Sam. 514 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:11,320 If I could now ask for the rings? I've got them here. 515 00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:13,960 Sorry. Sorry. 516 00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:15,360 Well, don't step on it! 517 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:16,560 Sorry. 518 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:17,960 It's this clasp here. 519 00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:19,320 Ah! Ooh, you all right? 520 00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:20,960 Sorry. You OK? Shoulder's quite sore. 521 00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:23,600 Just put them in a box or something. Are you sure you don't...? Oh! 522 00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:25,960 It's OK. OK. Well done. Got them. There you are. 523 00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:27,400 With this... 524 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:30,240 With this ring, I thee wed. 525 00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:35,000 With this ring, I thee wed. 526 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:36,360 Hmm. 527 00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:39,280 I now pronounce you man and wife. 528 00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:40,560 Yes! 529 00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:43,480 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE You may kiss the bride. 530 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:48,240 Ha-ha-ha! 531 00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,200 Oi, move! 532 00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:00,560 Cheers, Paul. 533 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,400 Penny, Boyd. Drink? 534 00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:03,640 Hello, Paul. 535 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:05,400 Did you get that email I...? Yeah. 536 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:06,640 Love a wedding! 537 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:09,920 Oh, Amy! Huh? Your dress hasn't been ironed, look! 538 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,720 Well, yeah, because you moved out, Granny. 539 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:13,800 Looks like you've been doing origami with it. 540 00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:15,440 I mean, we have in a way. 541 00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:18,120 I mean, we've hardly got any hanging space now there's two of us. 542 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,400 Everything's folded up in IKEA bags under the bed. 543 00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:21,960 I've got wardrobes. 544 00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:26,240 I've got wardrobes coming out of my absolute walls. 545 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:28,800 Give your clothes to me, 546 00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:31,120 and I'll hang them up in my flat. 547 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:33,960 And then what? I come over every morning in my dressing gown 548 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:35,960 to find something to wear? 549 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:37,960 If you like. Sam. Good system. 550 00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:39,880 Sam! What were the causes of the Vietnam War? 551 00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:41,440 Oh, now? Yeah. Really? Mm. 552 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,280 Don't you have to prepare a speech or something? 553 00:19:43,360 --> 00:19:44,960 Well, yeah, I've got a minute or two. 554 00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:46,760 Is it true, by the way, what Robin said? 555 00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:49,400 About you not passing your exam? 556 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,960 I, er, do have to retake it, yeah. 557 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,280 It's cos you spend so much time helping me! 558 00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,280 Of course I'm going to prioritise you. 559 00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:57,800 I'm your mum. 560 00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:00,920 That's a deal. OK. Well, thanks. 561 00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:03,720 So, come on, Vietnam War, let's go. 562 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:05,480 Er, communism? 563 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:07,560 Yes. Er, tunnels. 564 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,040 Mm-hm. 565 00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:10,200 Trees. 566 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,280 Not trees. 567 00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:15,920 You said you didn't want it! INDISTINCT SPEECH 568 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:19,680 There's actually only about 400 lions living in there, 569 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:21,960 so there's no king of the jungle. 570 00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:24,120 Doesn't really make sense. Right. 571 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,960 I'll tell you another fact about lions. Cool. 572 00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,760 Lions can climb trees, though, 573 00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:31,760 even though they mainly live on grassland. 574 00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:34,480 And as they're not as agile as other big cats... 575 00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:36,520 I'm going to go to the loo. 576 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:38,400 Are you worried people won't think it's real? 577 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:40,080 Cos it's real. That's not the point. 578 00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:42,240 Why have you...? I don't understand... 579 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:45,120 You asked... You asked me to get it. No, I really, really didn't! 580 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,320 But it's a shotgun wedding! Yeah, no, I get it, Dean! 581 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:48,880 I get the joke! It's my joke! 582 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:50,440 You don't need to explain it to me! 583 00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:51,760 There are kids out there! 584 00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:54,120 Oh, it'd be hilarious, Rachel. And I've got the gun now. 585 00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:55,760 I had to go to Rutland to pick it up. 586 00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:57,080 I don't know where that is. 587 00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:59,960 I do think we should use it. No, we should not use it! 588 00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:02,520 Come on! If there's ever an option to not use a gun, 589 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:03,960 that's always going to be better. 590 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:05,240 I couldn't agree less. 591 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:07,880 The speeches are starting, Dean. I'm going back in. 592 00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:09,560 You're nuts. Nuts. 593 00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:11,680 ROBIN SIGHS 594 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:13,360 Oh, come on, Robin. 595 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:17,240 And ever since that day, the gearbox on the white Suzuki 596 00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:19,880 has run as smoothly as our relationship. 597 00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:23,200 Oh, my giddy, giddy gosh! 598 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:25,440 Let me hear you make some noise! Woo! 599 00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:28,800 When I say renegade, you say hardware! 600 00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,440 Renegade! Hardware! 601 00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:32,520 Oh, my God. 602 00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:33,720 Reload! 603 00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:36,600 Hold on tight now. Lock up your sons. 604 00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:38,360 It's the R to the A 605 00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:40,200 to the Rachel Jessop. 606 00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:43,280 Yes, Mum! The best man! 607 00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:45,400 Bap! Bap! Bam! 608 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:48,960 Oh, thank you, Jelson. 609 00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:50,200 Thank you. 610 00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:51,360 Er... 611 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:54,680 So, first of all, I have to say, 612 00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:57,000 the bridesmaids look absolutely lovely. 613 00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:58,400 APPLAUSE 614 00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:00,800 Our thoughts are with those who can't be here, 615 00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:03,640 especially our dad, Michael, who couldn't come 616 00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:05,880 from France because he sadly... 617 00:22:07,120 --> 00:22:09,120 ..didn't want to. 618 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:11,960 But let's not get into that. 619 00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:14,960 This is... What a wonderful day! 620 00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:17,360 Yes! Thank you! Yeah, it is! Yeah. 621 00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:19,440 You know, the first time Robin and Cherry 622 00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:21,400 were going to get married, I remember... 623 00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,800 Back in, oh, 2020. Yeah, it was. 624 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:26,600 I remember that I was... Covid. 625 00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:28,760 No. No, no, no, no. Oh, gosh. Go on, point it at him! 626 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:30,960 No, no, no, no. Oh, my God! 627 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:32,200 Because Cherry's pregnant! 628 00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:34,960 Yeah. No, no, that... So it's a shotgun wedding! 629 00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:36,560 Yeah, no, we get it. We all get it, Dean. 630 00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:38,240 Stop pointing it at people. Well... 631 00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:40,960 Put the gun down, mate. Some people might not have got it! 632 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:42,600 Oh, shotgun wedding! 633 00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:43,960 Oh, that's funny, that! 634 00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:46,560 Yeah, you see, it's actually quite a subtle... Dean, be careful! 635 00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:48,960 GUNSHOT 636 00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:51,360 Rach! You all right? Mum! 637 00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:53,440 LAUGHTER 638 00:22:57,640 --> 00:22:59,400 What, don't! Amy, he'll go mental! 639 00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:01,960 No, I've got to film this! It's so cute! 640 00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:03,960 Look at him! 641 00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:06,880 What are the key themes in Macbeth? Er... 642 00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:08,240 Witchcraft. Yeah. 643 00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:10,200 Scotland. Scotland's not a theme. It's a place. 644 00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:12,960 Er, ambition. Ambition! To the bird feeder! 645 00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:15,960 This is how Mum's finally getting Sam to do any revision. 646 00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:17,440 What is photosynthesis? 647 00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:18,760 Er... 648 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:20,800 Plants. It's how plants eat. 649 00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:23,360 They eat and process... Oi! 650 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:25,040 That's my camera! Don't touch my camera! 651 00:23:25,120 --> 00:23:26,400 Amy, come on, stop it. 652 00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:28,360 Just put it down! Yeah. 653 00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:30,000 So much for 50 Shades Of Mellow. 654 00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:31,480 They are absolutely livid. 655 00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:32,680 So, what? 656 00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:33,960 They just won't play? No. 657 00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:35,960 I mean, their instruments are covered in cake. 658 00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:37,240 Mm. And...? 659 00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:38,520 So's my face! 660 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:39,960 Bwap, bwap, bwap! 661 00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:42,320 Those of you who managed to get cake, 662 00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:45,200 remember to check for shrapnel. 663 00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:47,280 NERVOUS LAUGHTER 664 00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:49,520 I'm sorry, Rob. 665 00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:51,560 Oh, that's all right, Deano. It's not your fault. 666 00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:52,960 What?! 667 00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:55,440 It is his fault! Yeah. 668 00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:59,120 And it's not OK cos we haven't got a band any more! 669 00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:00,960 I thought it'd be funny! What? 670 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:03,400 And not loaded... Well, luckily, Paul stopped anyone 671 00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:04,800 from getting hurt. 672 00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:07,360 I'm so proud of you, Paul. 673 00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:11,640 Well, I just saw that there was a potentially live firearm, 674 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:13,320 so I just had to step in... Yes, all right! 675 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:15,960 ..neutralise the weapon. You don't need to talk us through it again. 676 00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:17,120 You're welcome. 677 00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:19,480 I could plug in my iPhone, babe, crank out some tunes? 678 00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:20,960 Plug it into what? 679 00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:23,600 The music table thing is completely spattered. Is it? 680 00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:25,600 The mixing desk, Rob. The what? 681 00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:27,080 Mixing desk. No. And again. 682 00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:28,960 The mixing desk. Mixing desk. 683 00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:30,400 I could sing! 684 00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:33,640 Really? And Amy could accompany me. 685 00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:35,720 Ah! Er... OK. 686 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:39,400 I mean, I could try. 687 00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:40,960 Oh! Yes, Amy! 688 00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:42,600 It's all coming together! Is it? 689 00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:44,120 Yes. Is it? 690 00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:45,880 Yeah. 691 00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:47,560 I mean, just to say, Sue, sorry. 692 00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:49,440 The first dance was going to be Wap 693 00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:51,240 by Megan Thee Stallion and Cardi B. 694 00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:53,480 But obviously... I mean, do what you can if you don't... 695 00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:56,280 Sorry, Robin. I don't know that one. I didn't think you would. 696 00:24:56,360 --> 00:24:57,560 It's OK. Yeah. 697 00:24:57,640 --> 00:24:59,560 She doesn't know it, babe! Right. 698 00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:02,520 Sorry. Oh, now, we should get you a chair, Maya. 699 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:04,960 Look, you're too squished on that stool. 700 00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:06,600 No, it's fine, Sue. We're used to it. 701 00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:08,680 This is home from home. Yeah. 702 00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:11,920 What? 703 00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:14,280 What was that little cheeky smile? 704 00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:16,560 What's this? 705 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:17,960 My flat. 706 00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:19,400 Well, your flat. 707 00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:21,160 You should have it. 708 00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:23,280 Have it? 709 00:25:23,360 --> 00:25:25,480 What are you talking about? What, have your flat? 710 00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:27,280 Well, no, live in it. 711 00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:29,240 It'd still be mine. 712 00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:31,120 Are you being serious? She can't be serious? 713 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:32,960 Paul said I could move back in. 714 00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,040 Oh! 715 00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:38,000 716 00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:39,520 Shut up, Dean! 717 00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:41,600 Sorry, just give me a sec. 718 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:44,320 Have you got a flat for me as well, Granny? 719 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:46,960 One, two, three, four... 720 00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:48,960 Oh! Yes, Amy! 721 00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:51,040 That's lovely! 722 00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:58,680 loves you... 723 00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:00,600 Yes, Sue! 724 00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:02,120 Wow! 725 00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:03,960 I actually know this one! 726 00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:08,080 cares... 727 00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:12,120 Come on, everyone! Come on! 728 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:13,840 In you come! 729 00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:17,960 and it's gold... 730 00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:19,960 Go on, Sue! 731 00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:22,280 It's an absolute deathtrap, this cake. 732 00:26:22,360 --> 00:26:24,600 It's so bloody creamy. 733 00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:31,400 Oh, my God! 734 00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:33,560 Is it ever! Mm. 735 00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:35,160 Come on. 736 00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:36,960 Dance with me. What? 737 00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:38,520 Dance with me! OK. 738 00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:40,440 LAUGHTER 739 00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:42,320 Ah! Ow! Huh? 740 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:44,320 Huh?! It's not shrapnel, is it? 741 00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:46,400 No, of course it's not shrapnel. 742 00:26:48,360 --> 00:26:51,080 Actually, I've got something to show you. 743 00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:55,560 So, I wanted to get a tattoo... What? 744 00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:58,640 Really? ..of your name, yeah. 745 00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:00,160 You didn't! Well, hang on. 746 00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:01,640 For various reasons, 747 00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:04,960 including an exceptionally obtuse tattoo artist, 748 00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:06,360 that didn't work out. 749 00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:09,080 So I got this instead. 750 00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:12,400 Undo the zip. 751 00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:18,400 Rach! 752 00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:20,480 It's meant to be me and you. 753 00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:22,280 As in... 754 00:27:22,360 --> 00:27:24,520 ..because we're peas in a pod. 755 00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:31,360 NERVOUS LAUGHTER 756 00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:33,440 That's... 757 00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:36,680 I love peas. I know you do. 758 00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:41,080 I'm really glad I married you. 759 00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:44,240 You do know that, don't you? 760 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:47,240 It wasn't because I was pregnant. 761 00:27:48,360 --> 00:27:50,360 Well, I mean, it was a bit, but... 762 00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:52,800 ..it was because I wanted to. 763 00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:55,680 I still want to. 764 00:27:59,880 --> 00:28:02,520 765 00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:05,440 Yeah! Woo! 766 00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:06,960 Alone! 767 00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:09,960 We're getting a game of It going, if you want in? 768 00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:12,440 Is, It? I'm 16. 769 00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:14,440 Is that a yes or a no? 770 00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:16,320 Yeah, all right. Go on, then. It! 771 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:19,720 772 00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:24,040 773 00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:30,080